I'm awful at explaining this but I'll try my best.

I find it so hard to have my own identity within my DID.

For ages now, I've always done this thing where I associate a person with an animal. I don't even need to think when I do it anymore- I just do it, almost as a reflex. I do it to myself, my friends, everyone.

I guess my alters do it too, because each one of them is named after an animal.

But the thing is- and this may seem silly- it's always been a kind of big part of my self-identity that I identify with the hyena. I know this seems silly to other people, but it's helped me 'be me', to identify strongly with something.

But I have an alter called Hyena. The more I think about it, the more I have trouble identifying apart from him. He's a strong guardian alter and I think he's the oldest. I'm just scared the line between us will be blurred and I'll stop being able to tell myself apart from him... I can't really explain that part too well.

Do other people have trouble being 'themselves' and finding their own identity? Sorry if this is all phrased badly, it's kind of all a clutter in my mind and hard to make out