I'm really doing a lot better today, like that feeling you get when you've been very sick for a long time and suddenly the temperature and illness broke.

Anyway I hope it's okay to post this. If not then just let me know. But I feel like there's something inside of me that's just crying and crawling to get out. It's such a real deep feeling and it's so hard to ignore.

That being said I'm no longer digging deep into my early childhood memories. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so much better today, finally.

I just had to ask chatGPT this question because it's like burning a hole in my soul. But, if everyone thinks I really need to get a therapist then I'll keep trying as stressful as that is.

Me: what are possible reasons a person who is diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder have strong desires to be in a dark MK-Ultra type existence, as if they are required to be there, and they have no clue why?

ChatGPT: There could be several reasons why someone with DID might have strong desires to be in a dark, MK-Ultra type existence:
* Trauma Reenactment: The desire to be in a dark and controlling environment could stem from past traumatic experiences. Individuals with DID may unconsciously seek to reenact or recreate their traumatic experiences as a way to regain a sense of control or familiarity.
* Programming or Conditioning: In cases where there's a history of severe abuse or mind control techniques (like those associated with the MK-Ultra program), alters may have been programmed or conditioned to believe that such an environment is necessary or even "safe." These altered states might feel compelled to fulfill these programmed roles without understanding why.
* Internal Conflict: Different alters within a person with DID may hold conflicting desires or beliefs. While one alter may want to escape the dark environment, another alter may feel drawn to it for reasons related to their past experiences or programming.
* Protection: In some cases, alters may believe that being in a dark, controlling environment is necessary for protection. This could stem from a fear of the outside world or a belief that such an environment provides a barrier against further harm.
* Unconscious Coping Mechanism: The desire to be in a dark existence could also serve as an unconscious coping mechanism for dealing with overwhelming emotions or memories. By dissociating into a dark environment, the individual may feel a temporary relief from distressing thoughts or feelings.