I can't find the motivation to run on the treadmill anymore. I don't know. People say "motivation is driven by action" but I can't drive myself to act. It is unbelievably hard. Today I just went on a walk and I was overwhelmed by the number of people who were out. I live in a huge city where there are lots of people out and about all the time pretty much. I guess my distress is about the same amount as when I lived in the U.S. I just like it here more because I feel more independent. Anyway, the pandemic ruined my anxiety which was already pretty dire. I mean before the pandemic my anxiety was pretty much tolerable. After the pandemic though and I guess a little bit before it, I needed benzos to cope. And I am still on benzos, however many years later. I guess it has been four years. I genuinely hate benzos, I just haven't been able to get off of them. My psychiatrist says he has ideas for when we meet next on how to get off of them, to reduce the dose really slowly. We'll see if that works in combination with therapy and the other meds I take. Oh how I would love to get off of benzos.