((((Kim))))),
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If I email my therapist and he doesn't email me back sometimes (not always but sometimes) I feel plunged into the depths of despair and abandonment. Do I expect him to email me? Not really.

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I know the feeling. It sounds like intellectually you know that you should not hold your T to these expectations but your feelings protest. If you're like me, my feelings about this are so intense that they drown out any reasonable thought. The attachment feeling is instinctual and very, very strong.

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It is just that he has so much power over my feelings.

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Again, me too. I think the goal here is for his power over you to become less and less. I've made a few strides in this direction, so it is possible. I'm nowhere near the end, though.

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Just that I wish I didn't care about them so much. So they didn't have such power to hurt me.

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That absolutely makes sense, Kim. I told my T this exact same quote!

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I don't know how to lower expectations

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In my opinion, your presenting behavior is to have high expectations for T. However, this behavior is directly related to the attachment issue. So, no wonder you have no idea how to lower expectations! I guess your T has to work on the attachment issues with you (however that is done?). With me, it's taken a lot of time and hard work (pain) to make progress in this area.

I'm in the same boat as you as many of us here are. If you need help, feel free to PM me. We all might as well go through this agony together!