Lol. You're right about the forbidden fruit. The story about your friend's daughter is right on target. Maybe it's just human nature to want what you can't have?

When it comes to things like alcohol and drugs, I tell DD that there's a reason people use them- because they do feel good, they do remove anxiety, though temporarily, and often leaving problems in their wake - afterall, drinking to alieviate anxiety isnt dealing with anxiety at all. If anything, it tends to cause more in the long run. Anyway, at her age, we can talk openly, and I hope for the best.

Indirect communication is a weapon of sorts, isn't it? If you never say exactly what you mean, no one can hold it against you. Narcissist are known for something called "word salad" where they seemingly toss words together that sound plausible on the surface, but when you really think about them, it makes no sense and has nothing to do with the subject at hand. My H 'runs off into the weeds' like this almost compulsively it seems. You often can't even get a straight answer to even simple questions like "what condiments do you want for your burger?" I've learned that if I need to communicate something with him, I just have to be the one who stays on target. Repeatedly.

Your H saying he only vaguely remembers potentially sounds like a convenient avoidance to me. Maybe it's not that, but on one level it sort of seems like an avoidant tactic a young kid would use to not have to deal with something. My H grew up in a house where Mom was always right, very heavy handed, and frankly unreasonable. It was probably a chronic no-win situation for him and his siblings. He never learned to talk things over; he learned to deny, manipulate, and avoid. It may be second nature to him to just avoid direct and honest conversations at all costs- to the point he may not even realize he's doing it. Don't know if that applies to your H in some form.

And as usual, I do my best to just detach from it all.

It's funny, I've been doing the detaching/codependency thing for about 2 1/2 years now, and one thought has really stood out recently. The more I detach from his disorders and focus on living for myself in a way that's healthy, the more disordered he seems. The better I'm getting and feeling, the sadder and sorrier I feel for him. I'm no longer engaged and getting dragged knee-deep in his disorder- I'm no longer drowning in it with him. It's fixed nothing between us, but it's so much better for me. I feel like I'm living in the real world again, and that's not a bad place to be. It's very good to focus on, and take care of, ourselves.