Backtracked yesterday and called him in the hospital. Called him at the hospital payphone after I was fighting everything in me not to. When I spoke to him, and heard him try and justify all the using, saying that he just goes and "hangs out" once a month and it's not a big deal. He sounded very disorganized and non-apologetic.
Now more than ever, I know I am making the right decision, and I needed the reinforcement of knowing that we are headed in two different directions. I no longer felt that rush in calling him, the whole thing was kind of sad actually. I do love him still, but this holding on to a dream of the honeymoon of the past is just an exercise in futility. Talked to my friend about it and he said not to beat myself up about the phone call, just be aware of the lesson to be learned.
Cutting the cord is getting easier, because he is making it easier.