I am going to relate a quick story, as I see this as the best way to communicate
this, there is no accurate translation. I began with a stack of three, 1.) I was a
victim for years of CSA when we moved here when I was nearly six. That went of
till I was 14. 2.)My mum's family in the States, if you have seen Wes Craven's, "The
People Under the Stairs," that accurately sums them up.
The third stack is every man in my father's family serves in the military, it is a
tradition. He had designs on me, following him and being a fighter pilot. I could
not do this however, as I developed myopia with an astigmatism the year I
began college the first time. There was no Lasik, and the USAF or Navy are
simply not going to spend a million bucks to train someone that does not have
20/20 vision or better, without being augmented by glasses. So, upon
completion of my first degree, I let him push me into it anyway, I chose the
United State Army. There was good reason for this, it was late 1989, and we had
transitioned to using many newly developed smart weapons for urban combat.
At that time they were pitifully behind in training, and shhhh, here's a big secret
for you. Many require ground special forces units to site them in and verify the
target is valid. It also helps if you know what to strike the target with, why use
something that costs 5 million bucks, when there is one that costs a million
bucks that will do the job. Hence, I led a team, held the rank of 1st Lieutenant in
the Army Rangers. With me included, my group was made up of 16 men, great
people, they don't come any better. If satellite topography, or spotter aircraft and
several other means of gathering intelligence information; believed something
was a target we went to it, surveilled it. If it was a valid target, it was my job to
determine what the best ordinance strike was to call in on that structure, you
did this by using a satellite phone. We would designate the target by holding a
low powered laser on is (This is simply called lasing). This was during the First
Gulf War, we went to check a target out. We took up a position across the
building, on the roof of another building, it was a schoolhouse being used store
munitions. So, I have gave the structure a very good looking over, and
determined the best option would be a cruise missile strike launched via
submarine or cruiser was the best bet. It was going to take a pretty good wallop,
and had been reinforced. I got on the Sat Phone and called command, gave my
authorization code, designated the ordinance, they agreed. So we lased it and
the cruise missile was fired. This does not happen instantly, about an eight
minute flight time to get there. As I am sitting there watching this building, it
had one of those black laddered fire escapes on the side of it. Two Iraqi
Republican Guard came out on the top level to smoke a cigarette. I just laid
there and watched them. They were talking and laughing and had no idea what
was about to happen. I dream of this so often, as I just watched them the whole
time. They were what we were told were the enemy, I just saw two human
beings, that were probably married, had siblings, children, whatever their hopes
and dreams were for the future. They went back inside before the cruise missile
struck the base of that building. I had judged it correctly, the entire building was
demolished, setting off some the munitions stored inside. It killed everyone in
the building, mission freaking accomplished. I would learn later from after strike
assessment, that building contained 126 people. Who that cruise missile I had
called in, and my men had lased erased every single one of them. It was my job,
so I did this many times both there and later in Somalia. I am haunted by those
that my actions either directly or indirectly removed from this earth. I don't want
to be thanked for that, I want to go back and walk past that recruiter's station
and have went to medical school earlier. LIke so many things in my life, I cannot
change it, what's done is done. Until I take my last breath, I have to carry it all,
see it when I close my eyes, dream about it. Billy what do you want to do when
you grow up? Fireman that's great. Susy, what about you? An astronaut,
marvelous. I don't ever remember answering this question with, 'I want to erase
a bunch of people.' Yet that's how it turned out, and the past is immutable.