I appreciate the guts it takes to share this... I hope you write a book about this ... it might be helpful to you to put it into written form... as well as very enlightening to others...

I'm on the library list for a book called "Fate is the Hunter" by Ernest K. Gann, a pilot... I started it but had to return it before I finished... it is very deep in that it is philosophical and psychological, as well... It comes highly recommended.