Just read through this thread (I am new here)… wow… some really triggering things in here for me which I didn’t expect.

Waaaaay too much to comment on but RD being triggered by your wife’s comments about visiting her work is horrible but completely normal. The worst part of being manipulated by a narcissist is how much it makes you question your reality (even when you know it’s BS) and how much it invalidates your reality and experience. You have suffered this for years, which means you have spent YEARS trying to fight to be validated… for someone to actually see and acknowledge you. It’s a horrible and lonely place to be.

But RD we see you. We see what’s going on. You are not crazy.

Last thing I would say is I strongly suspect your wife actually believes you have been going around to her old work. One of the hardest things to get your head around is that for a narcissist they aren’t fabricating things it’s actually their reality. It’s quite likely she feels insecure about leaving that job and is worried you will find something out (not that you care, but NPD hate their target having any leverage on them). So in her head she imagined you going there and talking to people. And the weird thing with NPD is that in my experience they often can’t differentiate between something they thought and something that happened. So in her reality you DID go to her old work.

Just remember the golden rule “never argue reality with a narcissist”. They are literally incapable of changing their minds even when faced with hard evidence. You can’t win and you are just opening the door for them to pivot and attack you with something else to make sure they always win. So you state the facts “I have never been to your work” and then refuse to continue to talk about it.

I feel for you RD. I really do