@16PennyNail it must be rough to think ahead to what you would be doing if your wife and son were alive. That sounds traumatic to have lost them in that way.
I can almost make myself cry if I start thinking about the what ifs. What if I had lived at home instead of living on campus? What if I had not broken up with that girlfriend? What if I had not been so depressed in that relationship?
There is seemingly no end to those so I have stopped as much as I am able to playing the what if hypothetical outcomes.
Sorry to hear you are not well. I think you mentioned it before. How much does that disrupt your life?