I’m in the hospital for medical right now and they’ve discussed discharging me because I’m at the point I don’t need to be taking up this bed since as long as I take the antibiotics and don’t retear my esophagus I’ll live.

I don’t have anywhere to go. I will be one of those ****s sleeping in hospital waiting rooms, in a tent in the park, in an ATM lobby, and napping at the library during the day. I got kicked out of my last shelter and there’s another one in town, but I’ve heard that place is worse than spending nights on the streets.

I would go back to earning money through music, but gigs are like $50-$100 if I can even secure 1-3 a week would be a gift from God. Thinking about doing lessons too, but idk what my rate would be or how many students I’d be able to handle.

Housing crisis hit especially hard in Southern NH since we have practically no taxes compared to the rest of the country and everyone from MA is being priced out and coming here, raising prices to the point a studio is unaffordable for anybody I’ve talked to about it in months (although in all fairness only have talked to people sleeping at the library and in shelters or at the Soup kitchen). I’ve been trying to get a 2-3 bedroom apartment or condo with people I met at the shelter so we can split the rent and it’s not like any of us have super high standards.

Might I do freelance writing? Try and get a “real” job? Maybe somewhere like a farm or campground will provide a place to stay on the grounds? Go back to finding one night stands and chew, screw, sleep, leave? Become a volunteer at a 24/7 peer support respite overnights and rely in their food and hope there are easy nights I can sleep through? Apply to every mental health/eating do in the country and hope one of them will take my insurance AND say I meet criteria? Go back to school for a dorm, education, and a campus job?

Idk what I’m capable of right now. I’m dissociating to the point idk what’s happening ever. Hospital staff keep threatening to tube me for restricting behaviors. Not sure if I’mbipoar depressed or just feel that way because of shyt physical health.

I am terrified they’ll discharge me today.

Min wage here is $7.25/hr and the cheapest rent I can find is like $1200/mo