When you say, "Gone from your body'," it sounds like you are in a dissociative state, the amnesiatic type, I suffer from this. It rarely happens to me now as it did when I was younger. With that level of dissociation there is no way, I think any reasonable person could see you being able to hold gainful employment. We pay a great deal of taxes for a safety net to assist people like that in this country. I would try to get my mental health professionals talking with the Department of Health and Human Services. By Federal law there is a fast tracking program to gain access to emergency disability funds, which are dispersed rather rapidly. I used to often talk to the ladies at the place I used to volunteer at who did this. There are never any guarantees with this, the fast tracking programs are available but then you begin to deal with Social Security and Medicare. It may well could have changed since I did this, but they can get you a rapid meeting before an administrative law judge, who makes that determination. That process can be fraught with problems, so the more mental health professionals you have on your side the generally better it is. I am terribly sorry you are having such problems, but please contact your local Department of Health and Human Services. If you need help gathering documents or filling out the paperwork, they will assign someone to do that and help you. I hope it goes well for you, and not not be self conscious about trying to get such help. I gladly pay my 'more than fair share' potion of taxes for this. I hope the best for you, and good luck. In time and with treatment this can get better for you.