My Support Forums - View Single Post - Acceptance

LadyShadow · Apr 24, 2024 at 12:17 AM

You're so right, @Rose76 - so sorry it's taken me so long to come back here and post, I wanted to gather my feelings and emotions together first. There is no way of getting away from his bad behaviors without getting away from him - the two are so intertwined. He has no sense of responsibility, and he basically lives in a delusional world most of the time. He is forever stuck in the past, and I think that when we were both recklessly in love the appeal of it was what drew me in - who wouldn't want to live as if they were 17 and in love again and wanted it to last forever?

But the fantasy of it wore off, and the reality of what I actually married set in. You have such wise words @Rose76 you have no idea how you have helped me. Ruling out what I don't want for my future, and looking at my life now is what has been my saving Grace, and even though I backtracked a few times and you're right giving him that false sense of hope because I am looking for some emotional solace is unfair, so I stopped doing it. He even told me to stop sending him "mixed messages" during our last conversation, (which was beyond painful), so I will respect it. Calling him for a sense of closure, or calling him just to hear his voice, to get that "hit" that I crave, is just what an addict does, which I know I am. Being sober doesn't mean I have stopped all my addictions cold turkey; I am currently working on the one with food.

Ultimately, he does have a really good side, which is hard to get over. He was the most passionate and affectionate man I had ever met, who fawned over me like I was a princess in the fantasy world that we had created. But the harsh reality set in when Prince Charming becomes "The Beast" and all he can think about is his next "hit" which is very different from my own version of that. The good news is what you reminded me of: that I am young enough that there ARE still possibilities out there for me, and even though I know I am nowhere near ready yet, my heart is hopeful that it will heal.

Thank you so much to all you ladies who have walked through the fire with me on this, @eskielover @TheGal @divine1966 @TishaBuv @HaveHope @unaluna @Nammu

I know some of you weren't on this thread with me, but I do know how much you've helped me along this journey since I've been back on this site. I deeply appreciate it.