Sending hugs. You are very strong. You calling him and having hard time letting go is understandable. You can care for his well being. You don’t need to become uncaring and callous. But you also don’t need his regular presence in your life. You can detach with love and wish him well from the distance while you focus on your own recovery and your own well being.

Maybe when you feel like calling him, go to a meeting. And maybe in addition to AA you can join Al Anon. That could help to look at the issue from two different perspectives.