My Support Forums - View Single Post - Acceptance

LadyShadow · Apr 24, 2024 at 10:11 PM

I have a lot of fight left in me, @Rose76 , @divine1966 - thank you ladies for your supportive words. I had a real good cry tonight - like a real, call out to the universe, on my knees, buried in my hands CRY. I haven't cried since all this has been going on, and I feel like I have finally let it all out.

I thought of all the times he kissed me, all the happy times, when there wasn't so much darkness. Remembering his last words being, "please" right before I hung up. I will always have a special place in my heart for him, so I will mourn for him. Al Anon is a great idea, I will look into it - because he is an addict that I love that I couldn't help and I couldn't save. Whether or not he is in his right mind or not, he rescued me. He rescued me from a life of darkness, where I stood at my computer day in and day out, never going outside, never meeting people, feeling really bad about myself. I spent 15 years like that.

But when I met him, yes I spiraled down into a path of disaster, but it brought me to North Carolina - where my parents are 40 minutes away, my friends are close by, my phone is filled with REAL LIFE people that I can call and go visit with my beautiful car that I was able to pay for. I am able to stand on my own two feet, pay my rent, pay my bills, look around my apartment in contentment.

Through all of that, he went on that journey with me, and now that I am walking alone on a different path from him, my prayers will always will be with him. I still hear him talking to me and kissing me on my forehead in the morning before he went to work, or slow dancing in the rain to my car stereo. He showed me romance. I never knew it before.

Now that I know it is real, I have something to look forward to in the future. Where I thought it was impossible to find once, I know I will find it again.