What you're saying makes sense Griffe. It's so hard when I don't have connection to myselves. I don't know that any part of me is named after an animal but I surely understand the confusion.

I think if something works, we tend to do it over and over until it becomes a reflex. There was a time where you probably needed to do exactly what you did. Perhaps even now, you are getting your strength from that part of you. With the events happening in your life right now, it would make sense as to why you would need to.

I'm sorry there is so much confusion going on. Maybe try some grounding stuff to get fully in the here and now? Thank you for letting us know what's going on.