Sorry to make so many posts in this thread today. Feeling a lil better now. It feels strange to not be able to run away and try to end yourself, accepting that it's impossible.

I'm thankful for a few things. The inner world people and the nature people. Without them I would feel 100% alone. People may think I'm lucky my parents give me $15K / yr to survive, barely, but I never ask for it and tbh there's a part of me that doesn't want it because I'm afraid that if I end my life that I'll be tortured forever like the bible says. So if I have a real reason, no money, and am forced to live in the forest, then there's no chance of survival and I get what I want the most for myself, to end, hopefully.

Edit: I switched actually is why I feel better. Just a different part, 100% different person. It literally feels like going from an agonizing toothache type of personality to heavenly personality.

Edit: And I thankful for MSF, the only place I can somewhat talk to humans. Even twitter I don't feel safe, so it's set to private.