I feel like I've already stopped living. I somehow manage to make it to work, and I look around me and see people doing their jobs...going about their lives...and I wonder, what are they living for? What is anybody living for when life seems so hopeless and meaningless? Every time I get a teeny bit ahead, some gigantic catastophe befalls me and I end up worse off than before. And these really aren't things I'm bringing on myself -- these are things that are completely beyond my control!

I think it would be easier if I WERE bringing them on myself, because at least there would lie some hope of change. But there is no hope. It's hopeless. My life is hopeless...my future is hopeless....I don't even know who I am anymore, or why I was ever trying so hard.