Had nightmares all night. Vivid, upsetting ones. It takes a lot for me to shake off the emotions of negative dreams after I wake up, so that has colored a lot of my day thus far. My mom is in one of her moods which instantly made me very irritable and angry. Not only that, but I have to see my psychiatrist in person tomorrow. He's 1.5 hours away, which of course couldn't just be as simple as me driving there. Oh no.

My mom wails and shreiks "YOUR CAR WONT MAKE IT THERE. YOU'RE GONNA END UP IN AN ACCIDENT AND DIE. YOU CAN'T GO BY YOURSELF." -- so to circumvent this not ONLY do I have to borrow my sister's car, I have to take my sister, my mother, and myself on this journey. I really just want to go to my appointment and get home. They want to stop and eat and shop and this and that. I'm actually out of medicine as of tomorrow so we have to get back before the pharmacy closes so at least that limits everything to BEFORE my appointment, and not AFTER. If I could just cancel the whole appointment I would. I don't want to deal with all of it. I guess I'm doing the right thing by keeping it and going, but I'm so tired of having to go through this every single time I have to go in person. It's so much excess stress on me because I can't even be the one in charge of my own damn appointment.

I want to just give up today.