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I think I have fears of approaching people that's why I don't let myself get close to anyone I thought it was normal but know I've realised that I have social anxiety and that it shouldn't be uncomfortable to approach them
I also get confused about how I feel about people and friendships, etc. I just say the things I don't mean in a ridiculous why because I'm overwhelmed like I act in a way that's not myself and I'm not sure how to calm myself or take control of the conversation. I'm just always worrying about what the person thinks and there judgement.
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Yes black-roses. That is essentially social anxiety from what I understand, especially always worrying about what the other person thinks of you and the possible (probable) judgement. And it's just no longer wanting to feel the pain of judgement or of undue criticism - because of the acute emotional reaction it triggers in you. Understandable. I have social anxiety disorder and they say it's all about 'fear of judgement' but to me it's not that - it's the fear of my own reactions to it.
By getting to know selected people a little bit, you can decipher who will and won't put you through the emotional hell caused by social anxiety - so that's about trust. Trustworthy people. Emotionally mature people. Keep an eye open for them black-roses - they're your people.