I realised something will cleaning and organising my room I have so much makeup must have hundreds dollars worth, that I never feel like I have enough. I buy more and I realised that I buy and hoard all this stuff because I'm lonely because it's easier for me to buy stuff then to admit that I desire and need social interactions. I'd rather be offputing and push people away with my own self pity than admit that I need to be cared for that I need friendship isn't that sad. I'm so scared of being betrayed and hurt instead of having a better selection of friends and trusting my intuition I buy makeup to fill a hole that I created.