I feel AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not mania. Just a really good lunch date with the greatest person on this planet who looks better every time I see them

Okay maybe hypomania. I've only *****d myself out looking for and applying to any kind of job in New England that will provide shelter. I feel like a lot of them are catering to the needs of rich arseholes in hotels on the cape, but I honestly don't remember the exact proportions of what kind of positions. And I said I'd help set up a stage. And I'm back on Rover.

edit: aaaand now the shytty feelings. The "this person isn't going to ever
+ talk to me again," "if they laid me, they probably spend their days looking for more easy lays," and "all those 'I want to help you be better; we can do better together' words were total BS" thoughts are completely taking over. It seemed like they had a lot of veiled insults towards me too, like talking about how this dude that worked with him totally fked them over in a way that made me seem like he was warning me not to try anything like that with him because he knows better.

But yeah, they also kept talking about how they've been thinking big picture lately and they're really trying to be the best person they can be and rectify all the mistakes they've made, learn from them, not repeat them, and do the same for any future mistakes. I think that's a great approach. I try to take that approach. It just seemed like they were rubbing it in my face that they were doing better at that than me.

Perhaps I just have to stop thinking about it. Slow down the pace. Not spend half a day showing a person I met a week ago that I am consumed with desire for their love. Maybe I'll just never talk to them again. I could probably call someone from up north to come down to pick me up and take me away from lawless Massachusetts--oh wait I mean Southern NH. I won't go back to the towns I'd spend my days finding trouble.

Maybe I'll leave the state. Or New England. Or the Northeast.