I am exhausted from 20 years of fighting just to barely survive. I cannot forgive myself for my past mistakes and living with all that shame. I give up completely. I cannot do it anymore.

I would end it all but I will never do that to my children. I feel like my life is a prison with titanium bars surrounding me. Every single aspect of my life is destroyed.

I wish that my kids were still young and we can go back to being together all the time. They are both grown now and have zero time for me so I hardly get to be with them. I encouraged their independence and love who they both have become and I am glad that they are busy with their own lives but it is so difficult for me at the same time. And even if I do get time with them, my body and mind constantly fail me and leave me paralyzed and debilitated to do anything.

I wish that just one of hundreds of medications or treatments that I have tried would have helped even a little bit. My newly-discovered ADD and PMDD combined with my OCD, C-PTSD, MDD, GAD, etc have defeated me completely now.

What if it never gets better. Each year seems worse than the last. I am in therapy and trying so many things but nothing makes a dent.

I appreciate all of you for taking the time to support me. It really means a lot. Thank you.