I'm sorry you cannot saying 'no' to going because you've been wronged. Could you be angry perhaps? Could anger be an emotion you bury deep inside because it was never safe for you to be angry as a child? It might be interested in looking up the "relationship between shame and anger" and "between anxiety and anger".

As for the anxiety, I got Claire Weekes' audiobook from the library based on her book, "Hope and Help for Your Nerves". It is so good. There are also Youtube videos for her approach, as well. I wish I had come across her work years ago.

I think what SpaghettiLegs said is very encouraging: the situation in actuality was handled better than thought. Also EFT tapping is a therapy that would be worth looking into. I don't know whether you have Netflix, but there is a doc called "Heal" on there and it shows someone receiving tapping therapy to work through trauma.


I wish you well.. I know how awful anxiety can be. Let us know how you are doing...