This fish thing with Dr. T has become a mess. Felt a bit better Tuesday, then I brought up something today (after talking about some other life stuff), and it went sideways.

I do think I stood up for myself. He said something like, "It seems you feel that the possibility that I won't bring the fish means that I don't care and the you aren't important to me."
Me: "Yes, that's what it feels like."
Dr. T: [silence]
Me: "So, other people in this situation might give some reassurance, like, 'Of course it isn't that.' But I know that's not a thing you do, so."

He then proceeded to give a bit of reassurance, but it was like he was being forced to do so under great duress. (Yes, I know, it could be argued that he was.) So it didn't seem sincere at all. Like [deep sigh], in a sort of robotic voice: "Yes, your success is important to me. I care about your happiness." I said it felt like he was just saying it, and he said, "You know I wouldn't lie, LT."

Yes, I know, I'm pushing too much about this. And it may not make sense to everyone (or even anyone!) why it's painful. I know the obvious solution is to take the fish back, but I'm not in the space for that right now. I ask kindly that you not tell me to do that. Apparently, offering an object like 10% of its size that is neutral-colored (more his aesthetic) and can fit in dish with other existing items (he has a bunch of them) is also controlling, even though I said I was just trying to give other options. The move is not until June (probably late in the month), so hopefully we can get to a place of peace/acceptance before then. I don't intend to talk about it every session. I have other things to talk about. But there's also part of me that feels doubtful about the relationship in general right now.