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atisketatasket · May 03, 2024 at 10:28 PM

I think I get the wanting to have some part of you there. I don’t really feel that myself, with any place, but I feel that way about wanting to have some part of my mother with me always. (It’s the second anniversary of her death today.)

Possible trigger:

I took over her car when she died, since it was newer than mine. There’s still stuff of hers in there. One item fell out eventually—it was a little gross that I kept it there, it was a half-used, rewrapped cough drop in a cup holder. It must have stuck to a drink I put in there and dropped to the ground when I removed the drink. I was very upset when I noticed. There’s still things of hers about in the car, but that one was pretty intimate!

Under the same cup holder is her great-uncle’s St. Christopher medal—he was a taxi driver. So like me she held onto things to feel those she loved were still with her.

And reading your posts, I don’t know it’s so much that you want something of you in that space as that you want Dr T to want something of you in that space. For you to matter to him like my mother mattered to me.