I just wanted to give an update. L and I have made a ton of progress in our relationship, moving forward, AND figuring out what happened.
The biggest thing we figured out was what triggered the abandonment. It was a text I sent when our apartment got flooded. I was trying to be small, so I told her simply that I wished she was there. She was trying to mirror me and respond that she was holding me in mind. To me, it sounded like she was brushing me off. To her, it sounded like I was missing her; not needing her. We both missed each other. And that one exchange changed the course of her whole leave and the last two months that she's been back. There are other things that we have figured out and there are more things to understand. But this was a huge ah-ha moment from last session. I'm grieving this loss that we both experienced. I could have had her support. I could have still trusted her. If only I'd stop trying to be small...
She has been super supportive lately through new traumas in my life. She's gone above and beyond for me. I know she's not doing it to prove anything AND it does prove how much she is good to me. I think with this new revelation we're going to be okay.