Hello,
I’m in the process of divorcing my husband of 10 years. He is a controlling, misogynistic person. He believes in a patriarchal marriage where the man has the main say and woman has to follow. We got married when I was really young and fell for his charm. The catalyst for the divorce has been his infidelity, as well as him wanting to move to a different continent without caring about where I want to live.
We have 3 young children and he’s using them to manipulate me. He has never cared for them one bit - I have always been the primary carer. In his view the children are great for a cuddle every now and then and when old enough they make a companion for watching TV and going out for meals, but that’s it. He’s never been involved in their upbringing, never made an effort to bond with them, play with them when they’re little, educate them, do activities with them. I have fed them every meal, done every bedtime, cared for them when they were poorly. Never him. Every time I’ve planned a child friendly activity for us as a family in the past, he’s just complained that I’m dragging him to things. Now he’s going for 50/50 custody. His parenting is the complete opposite to everything I stand for and I’m struggling to accept that I have to let go and accept that I lose half the time with the children for someone who’s only doing it to hurt me. He’s admitted to me he doesn’t actually need them - he will occasionally go away for weeks at a time and not miss them or call them, just compensates by bringing gifts back. There have been times when he’s gone out day drinking instead of spending time with the kids and then bringing a stranger he met at the bar home. Any time the kids spend with him equals him putting the TV on and staring at his phone. In general his behavior is like a permanent teenager, he will play games till really late, then sleep in really late (no matter how many children are up), leave mess around for me to pick up, his diet consists mainly of junk food (which is particularly painful for me as I’m very health conscious and now making a living out of promoting healthy eating). He has no interest or hobbies other than going out to the pub.
Sorry my post has been a bit chaotic, that’s how my head feels and I’m struggling to make sense of anything. Life at home is hell at the moment, he’ll pick arguments with me in front of the kids, undermine me and yell at me in front of them. Just this morning, he decided he’s taking the eldest out to a friends house to “hang out”, said they might be back late, I wanted to know when and said I think she should have more sleep, and he screamed at me. He has been keeping her up till 11 most nights watching TV and I just don’t think that’s acceptable for an 8 year old, I want her to have some routine.
My children mean so much to me and I just desperately want to shield them from it.
I guess I just wanted to see if there’s anyone who has gone through something like this.
Thank you for reading.