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LonesomeTonight · May 04, 2024 at 06:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I think I get the wanting to have some part of you there. I don’t really feel that myself, with any place, but I feel that way about wanting to have some part of my mother with me always. (It’s the second anniversary of her death today.)

Possible trigger:

I took over her car when she died, since it was newer than mine. There’s still stuff of hers in there. One item fell out eventually—it was a little gross that I kept it there, it was a half-used, rewrapped cough drop in a cup holder. It must have stuck to a drink I put in there and dropped to the ground when I removed the drink. I was very upset when I noticed. There’s still things of hers about in the car, but that one was pretty intimate!

Under the same cup holder is her great-uncle’s St. Christopher medal—he was a taxi driver. So like me she held onto things to feel those she loved were still with her.

And reading your posts, I don’t know it’s so much that you want something of you in that space as that you want Dr T to want something of you in that space. For you to matter to him like my mother mattered to me.

Hugs to you, @@.

Possible trigger:

I understand about leaving something like a cough drop in there. I could see keeping something like that, too. That's touching about the medal being there. So now you're continuing to hold onto the medal in her place. Carrying that memory.

I think you're exactly right. And part of what I said about the fish in one of the discussions is that I want him to want to take it with him, to find a spot for it. To think, "this matters to LT, so I'll take it, because she matters to me." (I don't think I phrased it quite like that.) But yes, I think even more than that is wishing he would want it there because he likes having me in his office, wants a part of me there that reminds him of me. So that's likely part of why this is so painful.

He wants to decorate his office as he sees fit, and that may not include something that represents me. I don't know that I can bring this up to him, as his response may just make it very clear how little I truly mean to him. It may simply be that he doesn't assign the same value to objects that I (and apparently you, and your mother) do. He may just not be sentimental in that way, so doesn't get the meaning. Or maybe other objects in there have lots of meaning for him (due to their origin), but mine doesn't.