Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemoncake
It seems like the issue with the fish has brought up deeper feelings of insecurity and doubt in your relationship with Dr. T. To me it’s just about wanting to be a part of his space and to be thought of even if you weren’t there.
Your efforts to assert yourself and express your needs are important steps.
The robotic reassurance may reflect Dr. T's own discomfort with emotional expression or a defensive response to feeling challenged.
Could you explore this with R? It's also important to consider your own boundaries and needs in the therapeutic relationship.
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Yes, I think it's bringing up questions of who I am to him (I mean, a client, of course) and the realities of the relationship.
And he does tend to react poorly to being challenged. Right now, I want things like reassurance about the new space, and he seems to be giving me the opposite. It's where my anxious attachment interacts poorly with what I can only assume is his avoidant attachment. The push-pull thing. i push for more support, reassurance, warmth, etc., he pulls further back. (I've brought this dynamic up in the past, and of course he denies pulling back or being more boundaried.)
Unsure on discussing with R more. Dr. T said it would be fine to do one or two sessions with her (so I could theoretically do one more), but more than that, we'd need to have a bigger discussion about it. The one with her Monday helped, I thought, but I still feel in despair with Dr. T and can't really comfort myself--like she was trying to get me to visualize comforting the younger version of myself.
I want to tell Dr. T to talk to me about the move and reassure me like I'm 8 or 12 (or even a teenager, as he works with those in his practice), but I know he doesn't work that way and he'd probably find it silly and say "You're not 8, you're 47." I'm not good at doing it for myself either.
Maybe I need to look for someone else to see for a bit--or longer--I don't know. Like someone who doesn't know him well. Or consider taking a break from therapy and seeing how things go.