This is a good point. Maybe some of this is my suppressing needs for years to appease him and stay on his good side. And it's coming to a head with the fish, so to speak. Like a cresting wave in the ocean, I suppose.

Something that struck me was looking at an old email of his (trying to find what he'd said about a particular thing--unrelated to the fish), where he said the reason he doesn't disclose things like where he goes on vacation and other topics is "I don't want clients to feel they have to take care of me." Like to ask him about his vacation and such.

And I kind of laughed at that, because I *do* very much feel I need to take care of his emotions at times. Like "Don't irritate Dr. T!" (when he's fairly easily irritated). "Don't make him uncomfortable by talking about love feelings!" "Don't say or do anything that will make him feel controlled, even if that's not the intention at all!"

So I feel I sometimes put his needs above my own. Which, of course, is how it is in outside life, like obviously I need to prioritize D's needs, H's needs, etc. at times over mine. Same with friendships. But it doesn't seem like I should have to take care of my therapist's emotions--at least not to this level. I sort of referenced the taking care of his emotions during yesterday's session, but in a side comment way (he said, "I can manage my own emotions").

Anyway...