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Relatable. I'm simultaneously floored and amazed I'm still alive.
What would need to change for you to want to live (aside from the obvious "not be mentally ill")? Can you reasonably work towards that?
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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