I can relate to not wanting to talk about it, and believing it doesn't matter any more. I did that stuff for a long time, but the power of the flashbacks, the grief, and, eventually, the anger, would not let me ignore it or brush it aside forever. It nearly killed me trying to keep it all in, and I mean that literally.

I know it hurts on some level for you, even now. And on some level, you are probably still in real terror for what you have been through (I can relate -- my childhood assaults were very violent). But I agree that sharing with others helps, a lot. Maybe begin by sharing more here, and then reconsider a group. But don't stop sharing and reaching out for hope. Isolation and denial the worst.

You don't deserve to be alone with this. You deserve real support. It's o.k. to let others help.

be well,

mtd