Your not a soulless monster. As a teen I felt the same way. I got better because I got pregnant. I finally had people in my corner that wouldn't let me fail. Not saying you should get pregnant. In my 20-30s I was still a mess minus the drugs, cutting and bulimia. Not treated for the right illness. But better. Now I'm 40 and bed bound but 20-30s I did some really cool stuff. And I will get better again. It's worth sticking it out. best part of the illness is tomorrow you may feel amazing.