I still don't know how to handle this. Am I just supposed to put myself into a hospital forever just for the sake of not expiring?

I don't want to tell anyone the truth of how bad it can get at any moment of the day, get forced into the hospital, get discharged after I say I'm not going to kill myself today if I leave, go back into the community, and that night go straight back to where I was before going in.

When I talk on a crisis line, what am I supposed to say when they ask if I have a plan and means to that plan? "yeah, but you don't need to call EMS because that statement has been true 90% of the time for the past 10 years and none of my attempts were successful so we're good?" Nah, they have to respond to that as if it's an acute crisis, so of course I'm going to lie and say "no plan" because being brought to the ER against my will and going through that rigamarole is going to make things worse.

Nothing is set in stone obviously, but I feel like this will never go away and I'm just going to try and try until I succeed (not in the good way).