I think I know understand why I admired that teacher he made me feel very safe and all my life I felt like getting close to anyone was a liability. I avoided making friends my whole life because of my fear of being humiliated. He made me feel human and when I realised I could feel safe and protected I became addicted to that feeling he gave me hope. I started to see that I could get close to people when I saw his kind heart it just made me admire him. I know your not meant to be friends with teachers but I also know he made me open my heart he made me see that people can be caring and have compassion. I guess I wanted to thank him after all this time I've come to realise how much the lack of judgement and being heard felt like. He made me realise I didnt have to be afraid of feeling or being close to anyone. Sometimes we meet people and they change how we think of the world.