Just another amazing day - so many good days to count, but all of it came crashing down when I met with my sponsor today. We originally met when I was homeless, and I was still visiting my husband in the psych hospital two years ago when I had such a plan for our lives. I cried so much today, even though so many good things happened.
She explained that this is what grief really is. I lost my grandmother in 2013, and I never really grieved. I didn't grieve for my marriage either. Just because I am filling my life with wonderful people and things, I never addressed the loss and pain, and it just exploded on me today. Just overwhelming sadness.
I miss Giovanni - he loved me SO much, he engulfed me completely in love - and as damaged as we were, we truly embraced tenderness and companionship. Our brokenness is what made our love so strong, and it's so tragic that I literally see this man's face and hear his voice at night because I remember him kissing me on my forehead at night when I slept. And when I wake up these days, I still feel the tears because I've been crying in my sleep.
It will take time, and my sponsor reminded me today to be patient and let myself heal, and most of all just give myself a break.