The good news is that you have become aware of the problems. You can only fix what you can acknowledge, so you can work on this.

Your family does sound enmeshed. No one makes a move without the others' permission (even if it's not directly expressed), and everyone is responsible for the way everyone else feels. No one has boundaries, and no one is living autonomously. The drama is exhausting (I know, the dynamic is familiar to me).

Only you can decide if things are too far gone for your marriage. Maybe both of you would benefit from individual counseling, or other self-work, to address your issues as individuals?

If you've grown up in an enmeshed family and/or with poor boundaries, it can be hard to see what's really going on. The line of dilineation between you and others has become so blurred that you don't actually have a bearing on where you end and they begin. But again, the good news is that you can learn. The bad news is that it can take some time, be a lot of work, and probably upset those who benefit most from the enmeshed dynamic.