I (34f) should have said this in my OP.

H (36m) has really good, strong, and very healthy boundaries with his family. The family dynamic is much healthier on his side because he and his 3 siblings established healthy boundaries from a young age in their 20s. I don't compare whether I necessarily "enjoy" going to his side more, but I can say that it is easier to be myself and feel like I'm part of the family with his sisters, and rest of the family.

There are some moments that can be toxic and unhealthy for sure, but overall, as a whole, his immediate family does not have a bearing on ...
- his decision-making
- his sense of self
- his personal choices
- where he wants to live
- where he wants to work
- what he does in his free time

His family doesn't keep score either on how many times he goes to my side or how many times we don't go to his side.

He is independent and has autonomy in his life.

And through all of his family drama, he keeps me OUT of it. And that's what he has been trying to show me for the last 5-6 years. I realize now a lot of things I should have done in hindsight that he was trying to show me. [So many things I need to unpack in therapy...]