@Kathleen83, that sounds extremely frustrating!

I didn't start to pull back until after my wife was "graduated" from hospice, and only after she was so impatient with me she got her own drink or snack.

Your husband's not wanting to eat sounds a bit self-destructive. My wife's self-destructive tendencies take the form of reliving trauma out loud. She'll spiral down into a bitter monologue about her childhood or people who've wronged her and then talk back to them in front of me. For example, (speaking to her dead mother) "You hated me because you wanted a boy."

I used to just put up with it, until it caused stomach pain or neck spasms. So then I started to avoid her at supper time, or I'd get up to do a chore in another part of the house until she'd "settle down."

But now I remind her, "I'm not your mother. Don't keep tormenting yourself over this."

Speaking of eating, my wife also consistently and repeatedly eats poorly and then complains of stomach pain and bloating. This could be due to ruminating on the trauma while eating, but it's also because of poor food choices. She knows she shouldn't be eating tuna macaroni salad (or at least not eating such large portions), but she does it anyway. I've tried to stop that. I'll say, "You just had a muffin. Why don't you wait an hour before eating the tuna macaroni?" Then I let it go, and she does what she will do.