Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover
So very true & when they feel safe & peace & calm, THEY KNOW they held no blame because it didn't continue on after the vampire was gone.
That is how I knew I was not to blame in my marriage after I left because my issues with it didn't follow me to my new life across the country. Only issues that hit are still things related to him that I am still trying to clean up.
|
I keep going to this as a benchmark too. I question myself often, but it is becoming less.
BUT.... Holy smokes there is so much peace and laughter now.
My wife, at best, said it was "us" at the root of it all, and that I was deeply toxic.
Well... Then why are things so peaceful and healthy now? Why are the kids in good friendships, in good BF/GF relationships and AGE APPROPRIATE relationships? Why is one doing so well at work and one doing so well in school? Why are we doing new things and having neighbors drop over so often if I'm toxic?
I'm telling you.... Looking at the degree of projection I was subjected to is amazing. She told me for years and years that being with me was like being married to Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. I had NO CLUE what Mr Hyde stuff she was seeing in me, but was accused of it for years.
Being accused of overspending, then finding out the thousands and thousands of dollars she blew and hid it. Being accused of keeping her up at night, of picking late night fights all the time, being accused of infidelity while she seem to have had a secret life.
No Mr. Hyde here. One of my biggest faults is that I'm boring. I just fix stuff and cook and workout. That's about it.
Today my son told me I was a human multi-tool. " Um... Thanks?"
RDMercer