I don't know if it's this thread or some crazy stuff that just went down in the street, but since that post NOT EVEN AN HOUR AGO I got a sweet message from them, and I feel absolutely nothing. At all. Totally numb in every way even trying to listen to music to force myself to feel something, good or bad--tried both, in a healthy way. I have plans to spend the night with them tomorrow, but I kinda just want to say fk it. Maybe I'm just tired. I don't want to bail again though.

Right now I do see a lot of unhealthy things about the relationship. I don't really want to end it though. I don't want to be alone, empty, and have no one. They did motivate me to try and get better, and I even had days I did well at that especially just before and while seeing them. I feel like shyt when I'm not actively talking to them though. Absolutely no self-worth and unworthy, even if I do something well by my standards it doesn't feel good enough to share with them. I looked up traits of a codependent relationship, and that's us for sure.