They tell you to get on disability because it's obvious you can't work after spending 10 weeks out of a year in the hospital, are sleeping 10-14 hours a day because of your meds, and you are a legitimate danger to yourself and others almost constantly. Then you figure out it's impossible to live in a society on disability if you want a roof, heat, and food. But you're terrified of returning to work because you might spend another 10 weeks out of the next year in the hospital or you'll seriously hurt someone or kill yourself or you actually do okay and they ween you off your benefits and something happens and you wind up where you were 10 years ago.