Your sponsor sounds like a source of sensible feedback. Keep up with your meetings and with your sponsor contact. Invest in getting to know others who are sincerely working a program to stay clean and sober. You are safer, in these group scenarios, than in a one-on-one situation where a dependency can develop prematurely. Knowing anyone takes time . . . and then more time.

I told you about my boyfriend's recovery. It was a success story that gladdened my heart. He deserved the main credit for turning his life around. However, I do believe I helped enable his recovery.

I wanted to help my brother, who had serious substance issues among other problems. I loved him, and I tried. I couldn't save him. He recently passed away, possibly from heavy drug and alcohol use, on top of poor health. I grieve. I want to turn back time. I want another chance to try and help him. At Al-Anon they tell me I was powerless. Your ex may be heading for tragedy. The thing to know is that neither you, nor I, can choose what path another adult will follow. When the path involves serious substance abuse, the person is headed in a bad direction. Some stories have very sad endings . . . and that's just that.

Your responsibility is to work your program and choose a good path for you to move along on. You do not want to be on the path your ex is on. You do not have to join him in what may end up being a tragic outcome of countless bad decisions. People like your ex and my brother have a tendency to blame everyone they know for how they end up. Do not ever let that be put on you. I could not save my brother, when he would not alter the path he was on. You cannot save your ex. It is heartbreaking to know someone is self-destructing. Sometimes we are just helpless, and that can hurt something awful. I don't judge your ex or my brother. Maybe some damaged people just don't have the capacity to change. We grieve over them. Then we figure out what we can do to make sense in our own lives.