I don't know why but I am shakey as all hell right now. I had coffee dammit I can't even type but it was only one medium so idk. Maybe because all I ate in the past two or three days is a couple oranges and a pint of ice cream I split with two other people? What if I had some sort of significant physical or mental trauma given I hardly remember the past few days and I do remember getting elboewd in the face and then nothing until the next morning and been with practically strangers in who in the world knows?f I do have a black eye now but I don't think that's from the elbow because that was days back and I just saw it this morning. Could be delayed adrenaline rush from MA interstates

I am back in NH. Case manager called this morning and said I really need to show up tomorrow and have a chat with her and my therapist (supposed to have an appointment with T anyways). CM stressed I need to start getting my shyt together. She stopped saying "have a good day" like when she'd call in the morning in the past and now it's "have a safe and positive day." That doesn't sound as fun I don't want to go tomorrow. If I don't go I'll be the frustrating client that skips appoinments and proves they don't want to get better, but if I do go I'll be the frustrating client that shows up to appointments saying they want to get better but then does not try at all to not give into impulses in between sessions.

but I'm starting to think a lot of this is going to come back and I'm going to be scared shytless by all this. Maybe one day I'll care about my life and look back on this period and go to the opposite extreme and start hiding from threats and triggers/becoming avoidant?

edit: this city isn't nice to me. I already feel the bad feelings in my bones.