I don't even want help at this point. If my eating disorder kills me, so be it. If I relapse and overdose, so be it. If I get hit by a car walking on a busy road with no sidewalk, so be it. If I anger the wrong person and they mess me up, so be it. If my disgustingness causes me to catch some infection, I'm not seeking treatment for it.

I don't know how to answer any of their typical questions. Ever. A lot of appointments in the past I've gone in, said "I don't know what to say," and the therapist asks if I want to leave. I don't want to waste our time so I do. And now I have to explain obvious injuries, emergency calls, and a skipped appointment.

I don't remember shyt so why would therapy help?