I feel worse than I ever did. No one takes me seriously, no one even likes me. I feel like a burden to everyone. I am sad, tired and Rivotril (Klonopin) I've been constantly prescribed to take makes me tired and I can barely function. I tried to lift myself up in many ways. I had hobbies, I did painting, writing, I walked and even exercised and learned to use make up. I bonded with my now adult daughter, I tried number of psychiatrists, councelors, therapists, medications... Nothing helps. I feel so sad, so tired so down I can't even function.
I Can't make myself clean the place I live in, it's a dirty mess, I just can't. I can barely work but that's just because I currently work from home and my work isn't demanding otherwise I probably couldn't even do that. Last couple of weeks or more made me almost shaddow of a person. I can't live like this anymore.
I called my sister but she just kept complaining on her own problems as every other family member does and treated me like I am extremely boring and annoying. I am trying to spare my daughter of how damaged I am so I don't see her that much because I don't want her to see this. I am sinking, I can bear any of this anymore.
My anxiety is sky high, no one cares, Klonopin makes me just sleepy and numb and fears are still there I just can't act on them because it makes me so tired. My depression does not react to anything, it's just there, like my anxiety, and won't give up. No one appears to see that, I am just called annoyance to people, they just want me to go away. Even people who show some empathy don't understand, they say things like "just look at the positives" or "don't give up", in best intentions, but they don't realize how hard that is for me.
I feel like I am the worst thing for my daughter so I am trying not to see her or call her often and she is so busy anyways, she has her own life, I could just pull her down with me, and I don't want that. I am more of a burden to everyone including her.
The only sole reason I live is my cat, as she couldn't survive without me. She is 12 years and I am the only person she has. Other than her, I have no will, not a trace of enthusiasm or happiness or hope in me. I just feel empty, sad, tired, and done!