I think I more so say they are incapable of helping me rather than don't want to based on experiences with the two other state run mental health centers I've been to. And the fact my T cancelled two weeks in a row. I have never had a therapist I've liked for more than three weeks in a row, and some, affiliated with the state like the center I'm at right now is, have never even reached one week.

My CM is supposed to help with housing, but we have made literally no progress since I started seeing her. She's told me to call places I've applied to, which I have been doing, and based on what I'm hearing, it's going to be a long-*** time before I can stop couch surfing.

I've seen T, I don't know, three times and I've been gradually spiraling. She cancelled two weeks in a row without the option to schedule another day of the week when she'd be there when I was overdosing (minor ones) at least once a week and could not even be around stable but honest people without being called "hostile," "over-emotional," "over-reacting," "unstable," "wild," "careless." If she's going to cancel two-thirds of the time, and when I do show up she asks me if I want to leave practically right as I sit down, it's going to cause more stress than anything. I remember when I went to therapy because it's an appointment I have to fit into my day and I know I went there and walked to wherever after, but it is rare for me to even remember being in therapy, let alone what was discussed.

Like I said, I'm going to go. I solemnly swear I'm going to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God. To the best of my knowledge. Regardless of what BS threats they spew out of their mouths