I was so sick last night at the thought of my mom reading my novel I ended up puking. I was just SO nauseous. I finally got my period, so now I'm in excruciating pain and am bloated (sorry for the tmi) and STILL feel incredibly nauseous. 🤢 But I don't feel as emotional thankfully. I still don't know how to begin the letter to my mom. I see my therapist tomorrow morning thankfully and am hoping she can help me.

My parents just made me feel like such a terrible person. Like an apple rotten at the core. I became the whipping girl of my family, the one blamed for everything bad that happened. Examples: my dad was having bad heart problems and it was my fault because he wasn't before I lost my virginity. My sister became depressed and it was my fault because I moved out with my husband (then boyfriend) at 21. I was selfish because my parents spent so much money raising me. When I got pregnant my dad said to me, "Well, we're not raising her!" 😒 Like my husband and I couldn't raise our own kid or something. When my daughter was a newborn my dad said to me, "Now you know what we went through!" Like it was so awful and a chore to have a baby, something I should feel guilty about because they had to take care of me when I was a newborn.

😭 😭 😭 😭

There are other things they've said to me. That's just the tip of the iceberg. I need my therapist! I think I'm going to call her today.