My Support Forums - View Single Post - Bipolar Check-in #80

MuddyBoots · May 23, 2024 at 09:20 AM

It's 10am and I already messed up the "I'm going to do the self-care and not do the self-destruction" thing I said I'd do.

Possible trigger:

I started off with much ritalin. And then, for the first time since last summer with a very low tolerance, smoked a bowl of weed that I got from NH so changes are there's more than flower in it because "live free or die, just don't get high", also drank 2 cups of coffee, and had like much alcohol. Yesterday from around 2pm to 8pm I had half that bottle and didn't get the "blacked out, can't get off the floor" experience I was looking for. I think I've been drinking more than I thought I was. So far today I had about half as much as I did yesterday.

I should be wayyy more fked up than I am which is extremely concerning since that kinda means I have a tolerance higher than I knew, and I don't remember much (I'm assuming moreso due to dissociation and probably a TBI). Steep, slippery slope. Like, Flume Slide trail in the spring. Or N Tripyramid slide after a rain.

T rescheduled meeting with the CM and herself to tomorrow. If they ask about substance use and I remember this, and I'm honest (which I most definitely will be JUST SO I DON'T GET SHYT FROM THE PSYCHOTHERAPY SUBFORUM

) I have a feeling they're going to get ridiculously angry at me. My CM literally growled like a bear when I told her I drank even though I clarified it was only 3 shots.

There are two cats in here just staring at me. We don't have cats.